Second Time Around Read online

  Chapter One

  What was that incessant noise? Beeps, buzzing, and some other sound, something more rhythmic, but so bloody loud that it was doing Suzie’s head in. It was moving, too, and, after a moment, she realised that she was moving with it. A wave of fear washed over her. What the hell was going on? This wasn’t funny any more.

  Suzie opened her mouth to call for help but no sound came out. Cold fingers of terror gripped her as she realised that she was pinned down. Panicking, Suzie struggled to free herself but it was useless: she couldn’t move. She tried to open her eyes but that didn’t work either, yet Suzie was pretty sure that she wasn’t blindfolded. She tried again but her lids refused to budge.

  What was happening to her? Suzie had never felt so trapped and frightened. The beeping sped up, adding to her hysteria, and another, higher-pitched, alarm, louder than the others, joined the cacophony. And then she heard voices and she called out, begging them to help her, to make it all stop. But they didn’t seem to even hear her, so she screamed as loud as she could, and then there was finally a voice, low and reassuring.

  ‘It’s okay, Suzie, relax, I’ve got you.’

  The voice was soothing, assured and calm, and so she let go, trusting it, and allowing herself to drift into oblivion.

  Jess Connors stroked her mother’s cool hand, humming the melody Suzie had always sung to her as a child when she was ill or couldn’t sleep. It was a simple song, something about a seesaw, but it had always dried Jess’s tears and made her feel safe. She looked around the room – bare but for two chairs, the equipment around the bed and cautionary notices on the wall – and wished herself anywhere else. A piece of red-and-gold foil fluttered forlornly above the window, presumably the remnants of a Christmas decoration. The festive colours seemed disgustingly inappropriate and she itched to climb up onto a chair and take it down.

  The window itself was annoying. Most of the wards Jess passed every day had small windows, high up in the wall, offering no glimpse of trees or sky to cheer an ailing body. Yet this small cell, whose residents were rarely conscious, had a large, south-facing window. A shaft of sunlight streamed in now, casting a golden glow over her mum’s pale cheeks. She looked so small and fragile. Jess blinked back her tears.

  ‘Come on, Mum, enough’s enough. Don’t you want to get out of this place? I know I do. Please wake up.’

  There was a cursory knock on the door and a nurse hurried in. ‘Hi, Jess. How are you today?’

  ‘Grand, thanks, Ann.’ Jess moved out of her way, surreptitiously wiping her eyes. Grand. What a stupid word. Her mother had been in a coma for weeks and there was no sign of her coming out of it, but Jess was ‘grand’. She leaned against the wall and watched the nurse go through the routine checks. At this stage, Jess could easily step in and take over the nurse’s duties, if she fancied a break.

  ‘Giving her a manicure today?’ Ann asked, nodding towards the bedside table.

  Jess forced a smile and nodded. ‘She always said that my granny’s hands were as rough as a labourer’s and was determined to keep hers soft. She used coconut oil.’ She grimaced, realising she’d spoken in the past tense.

  ‘She’ll be delighted when she wakes up to see that you kept them so nice for her.’ The nurse shone a torch into her mum’s eyes. ‘Aren’t you lucky, Suzie, to have Jess to pamper you?’

  ‘Do you think that she will?’ Jess traced a crack in the floor tile with the toe of her boot. ‘Wake up, I mean.’

  ‘Of course she will,’ the nurse said.

  Jess’s head snapped up to stare at her. The other staff never answered that question, yet there was a quiet confidence about Ann that made Jess wonder. The woman was probably in her fifties and had worked in this unit for years. Maybe being around comatose patients so long had given her an instinct her superiors didn’t possess. Jess could almost see her brother shake his head, incredulous that she could still be optimistic after nearly eight weeks.

  ‘Can she hear us?’ She searched the nurse’s face, her bullshit radar on.

  Ann shrugged. ‘Lots of patients who’ve woken from a coma told me they were conscious of voices, music and smells.’ She chuckled. ‘One man gave out hell about one of the doctors’ overpowering aftershave. He was determined to wake up just to tell him to switch to a different brand or he’d never get a woman.’ She stepped back, made a note on the clipboard and put it back on the end of the bed. ‘I’m all done now. You can get on with your beauty treatment. Enjoy, Suzie.’

  Jess pulled up a chair and poured lotion into her palm and massaged it into her mother’s right hand. ‘Did you hear that? Is it true, Mum? Can you hear me? Can you smell this nice cream? I wish you’d give me a sign. Just a blink or a twitch wouldn’t kill you, would it? If this was a Hollywood movie, you’d wake up now and make some stupid joke, you know that, right?’ Jess’s eyes drifted from her mother’s soft hand to her own bitten nails. ‘I could do with a manicure myself, and a haircut. Still, there’ll be plenty of time for that when you wake up. I just want you to get better, Mum, we all do. Even Mandy phones to see how you’re doing.’

  She chuckled, amused by her aunt’s uncharacteristic concern.

  ‘I wonder what she’s after. You haven’t got some family jewels stashed away, have you?’ Jess thought of her layabout grandfather and long-suffering granny who’d struggled to make ends meet. ‘Probably not. She wanted to come see you, but don’t worry: I told her there wasn’t much point at the moment.’

  Jess started to file her mother’s nails. ‘Sorry your son hasn’t been in much. It’s not because he doesn’t care. Noel just can’t handle seeing you like this. Sharon says all men are useless when it comes to health issues. She told me that my dear brother-in-law keeled over in the labour ward. Did you know that?’ Jess grinned. ‘They had to drag Keith outside and, after bringing in that fancy camera of his, the only photos they have are the ones the midwife took with her phone.

  ‘Sharon will be in tomorrow after she’s dropped Bobby to school. He’s drawn another picture for you. Try not to get too excited.’ Jess glanced up at her nephew’s previous efforts over the bed. Still, he was only four. ‘Nora was on again.’ Jess smiled as she thought of how supportive her mother’s old friend had been. ‘She’s fed up that she lives so far away, but she’ll be up to see you on Wednesday. I didn’t realise how close you two still were until this happened. Aileen sends her love, too. She’s a great neighbour, making sure the bins are emptied and keeping an eye on Noel, slipping him pies and scones. Just as well, as he’s worse than useless. You really spoil him, you know that?’

  Jess went round the bed to do the other hand. ‘Sorry, no polish. They need to be able to see the colour of your nails for some reason.’ As she started to massage the cream into her mother’s other hand, she froze, convinced she’d felt Suzie’s fingers move. She stared at her mother’s hand, but it lay perfectly still in hers. Jess sighed. Her imagination was working overtime. She’d really have to stop getting her hopes up. She knew everyone thought so. They didn’t understand why she came in twice a day.

  ‘She doesn’t even know you’re there,’ her aunt had said, rather cruelly, Jess thought.

  ‘You don’t know that, Mandy,’ she’d snapped. ‘Anyway, I want to be there.’

  Jess glanced at the clock, realising she should make a move. She had a deadline to meet. Working as a freelance journalist was a dream job. Writing articles for three different papers and a travel piece for a monthly magazine meant lots of variety. Today her copy about Ireland’s Wild Atlantic Way was due in. She was quite pleased with it but wanted to run through it one last time before emailing it to Marilyn, the editor. The photos that would go with it would look wonderful in the quality, glossy magazine pages, al
though the one taken of her wasn’t the best. Even she could see that, despite her smile, she looked drawn and anxious.

  ‘All done.’ Jess kissed her mother’s cheek and stood up to go. She stared hard at her for a moment, searching for any sign of change, willing her mum to move – but nothing. She sighed. ‘See you later.’

  In the tiny loo down the corridor, Jess splashed her face with water and dragged a brush through her hair. She looked at her reflection, noting that she was as pale as her mother and almost as skinny. Spending most of your time in a hospital and living in fear did that to you. After applying a layer of balm to her dry, cracked lips, she straightened her sweatshirt and, shoulders back, went out to the car park.

  ‘How’re you doing?’ Katie asked later that evening as they settled in a corner of a city centre bar with two glasses of lager.

  ‘I’m grand,’ Jess said, seeing the worry in her friend’s eyes. She cracked a smile. ‘I should have that tattooed across my forehead.’

  ‘Tell me honestly.’

  ‘Honestly? I’m broken-hearted, Katie.’

  Katie squeezed her hand. ‘It sucks, Jess. It seems so wrong, your lovely, bubbly mum just lying there.’

  ‘It doesn’t even look like her,’ Jess said. ‘I don’t want to be there, but I don’t want to leave her, either. Does that make sense?’

  ‘Yeah, but maybe you shouldn’t go in quite as often,’ Katie said gently.

  ‘If I don’t go, who will? Sharon’s always running round after her precious son, and Noel finds it too upsetting. As if I’m having a bundle of laughs.’ She was fed up with her brother and sister but she couldn’t say that. They needed each other right now. She put down the glass with a shaky hand and splashed beer across the table.

  ‘Hey, calm down,’ Katie urged. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.’

  ‘You didn’t, I’m sorry.’ Jess pulled her lank hair back and massaged her temples. She could feel a headache building. ‘It’s just that Mum may as well be dead the way Noel talks, and sometimes I think that he and Sharon would prefer that. It would be easier and tidier if she died and we could have a funeral and move on.’

  Katie’s eyes widened, shocked. ‘That’s not true, Jess. Of course they care. We all deal with stuff differently and you and your mum were very close.’

  ‘Are,’ Jess snapped.

  ‘Sorry?’

  ‘You used the past tense.’

  ‘Aw, Jess, I didn’t mean—’

  ‘I know,’ Jess said, feeling weary. Why was she having a go at Katie when she’d only ever been kind and supportive? ‘Sorry. Truth is, I keep doing it too. Maybe they’re right. Maybe I should give up on her, but I just can’t accept that she’s gone, Katie.’

  ‘Of course you can’t and you shouldn’t.’

  ‘Really?’ Jess looked up at her to check her friend wasn’t placating her.

  ‘No way.’ Katie was adamant. ‘The doctors haven’t given up, have they?’

  Jess thought about that. ‘They don’t commit themselves one way or the other. It’s all “wait and see” and “still early days”.’

  ‘There you go, then, and they don’t even know your mum. She’s a fighter, Jess, and you can bet she’ll fight bloody hard to find her way back to you.’

  Jess had to smile at that. If Mum was even the slightest bit aware of what was going on, then she would fight. ‘You’re right. Thanks, Katie.’

  Jess’s phone vibrated and she grabbed it, as always hoping for good news and dreading bad. She smiled when she saw that it was a text from Louis.

  How are you doing? I’m free at 6 if you want to talk. L.

  Katie’s eyes widened. ‘I know that smile. That’s from a man. Have you been holding out on me?’ she smirked.

  Jess shook her head but couldn’t prevent the tell-tale blush. ‘The editor at the Gazette who’s been really sweet and supportive since Mum’s accident.’

  ‘I sense romance in the air. Is he hot? When do I get to meet him?’

  ‘No romance,’ Jess said emphatically. ‘Mum’s my priority, you know that.’

  ‘Fair enough, but you need some downtime too. Keep the faith, yeah?’ Katie was looking at her with worried eyes.

  Jess gave a weak smile and nodded. ‘Yeah.’

  Chapter Two

  Suzie became conscious of a soft tapping, fingers on a keyboard, she realised. Jess! Always working, she thought affectionately. Suzie tried to reach out to her daughter and call her name but nothing came out. After a few minutes, the effort of trying to attract attention proved too much for her and, weary and frustrated, Suzie slipped back into unconsciousness. Hang on, Jess. Don’t give up on me yet.

  The next time she became conscious of her surroundings, her eldest daughter was there again. You shouldn’t be here all the time, Suzie wanted to say, but, when she tried to speak, her voice still wouldn’t obey her brain. Yet she was conscious now of people and smells and sounds. That had to be a good sign, didn’t it? She must be getting better. This time she let herself drift off, wearing a smile that no one could see.

  Suzie was woken by a crash and then giggling out in the corridor. There was only one light on over the bed. It hurt her eyes. She blinked. Was she dreaming? No, surely you didn’t dream of long narrow clinical lights that highlighted a rather bad paint job. She gasped as she took in her surroundings, her eyes settling on her daughter’s head, resting on the edge of the bed, her dark hair fanned out across the cover.

  ‘Jess,’ Suzie said but nothing came out. She tried again, concentrating as hard as she could. ‘Jess.’ The sound that emerged was a cross between a hiss and a croak. She wondered if she could do anything else and tried flexing her fingers and toes. Holy shit! They were working! It was hard work but they were working. ‘Jess,’ she said again and this time she was able to move her hand so it brushed off her daughter’s head.

  Jess jerked up, rubbing her eyes and yawning.

  Suzie smiled, her heart ready to burst with happiness.

  Her daughter looked up and met her eyes, gasping, her eyes wide in disbelief. ‘Mum? Mum, oh, Mum.’ Jess hugged her, before jumping up and running out into the corridor and calling for the nurses. ‘She’s awake! My mum’s awake!’

  Suzie lost track of time, drifting in and out of consciousness. She often woke during the night, when there was no one around to talk to or answer her questions. When she opened her eyes, she sighed when she saw that the only light came from the corridor. ‘Feck it!’ she muttered, disappointed yet again.

  ‘Mum?’

  She looked over to see her daughter in the chair. ‘You should be at home in bed,’ she croaked although she was delighted to see Jess.

  Jess’s face lit up. ‘You can speak!’

  ‘Of course I can,’ Suzie retorted, although her words were little more than a whisper.

  ‘Who am I?’ Jess demanded, her eyes begging for recognition.

  ‘You’re Jess, my eldest daughter.’ Suzie smiled.

  ‘How many children do you have?’

  Suzie blinked. Why was Jess asking such stupid questions? ‘Three. You, Sharon, Noel.’ She glanced around the room, taking in for the first time the machines by the bed and the drips going into her arm. ‘What happened?’

  ‘You had an accident and you’re in the hospital, have been for weeks.’

  Suzie tried to process this but her head hurt and she felt tired. She closed her eyes, weary. Thinking was a fierce, tiring business altogether.

  Suzie had no idea how much time had passed before she opened her eyes to daylight and the sight of her family gathered around the bed. As usual, Jess was at her side. Sharon sat in one of the chairs, Sharon’s husband, Keith, perched on the arm, reading a newspaper, and Suzie’s son, Noel, was sitting on the window ledge messing with his phone.

  ‘Mum?’ Jess was the first one to spot she was awake.

  Suzie tried to smile. ‘Water?’ she whispered.

  Jess gave a regretful shrug. ‘Sorry, not yet, but I can m
oisten your lips.’ She dipped a swab into a jug of water and ran it across her mother’s mouth. Suzie caught it in between her teeth and sucked for all she was worth.

  ‘The doctors said to wait, Mum.’ Jess tugged the swab out and tossed it into the bin.

  Suzie scowled. ‘Fuck them.’

  ‘Mum!’ Sharon raised her eyebrows.

  There was a deep chuckle. ‘Hey, sis. How are you feeling?’

  Suzie glanced down to see Mandy, draped across the end of the bed, showing an ample amount of toned, tanned thigh. ‘Oh, Christ. I haven’t seen a get-together like this since Uncle Bill’s funeral,’ she croaked. ‘I’m dying, right?’

  ‘Nah. Pity, though,’ Noel said, grinning. ‘I’d planned to buy a round-the-world ticket out of the life assurance.’

  Sharon glared at her brother and came to hug Suzie. ‘Welcome back, Mum. You scared the hell out of us.’ She perched on the edge of the bed. ‘How are you feeling?’

  ‘Shite. Tell me about this accident.’ Suzie had a feeling she’d already had this conversation with her family but she couldn’t remember the answer. She couldn’t seem to retain anything in her head for more than a few hours. It scared her but the consultant said these things took time. ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’ were his exact words, although what Rome had to do with anything Suzie had no idea.

  ‘We went along to the opening of the leisure centre in the hotel in Howth and, after a few glasses of bubbly, you climbed onto the treadmill, fell off and banged your head on the way down,’ Mandy said, sounding bored.

  ‘Bollocks! What would I be doing in a health club?’

  Her daughters exchanged a look and then Sharon scowled at her aunt. ‘Mandy dragged you along because they were doling out free drink.’

  ‘The equipment shouldn’t have been switched on,’ Keith said.

  ‘They were about to give us a demo,’ Mandy protested, ‘but your mother put paid to that.’

  ‘Still. I’ll get some legal advice on the matter.’